A Safe Place for our Teens

I was recently contacted the mother of a high school student who didn’t know what to do.  She had used the car and found marijuana between the seats.  Like most parents would do, she immediately got both angry and scared and searched through the child’s room.  During the search, she found more drug paraphernalia as well as notebooks filled with sketches and thoughts.  What she read scared her even more.  The notes and sketches mentioned wanting to die, wondering whether death would be better than life.  Not knowing what to do, she confronted her child.  The child admitted that they had been using drugs but that they were in a healthier place now.  Her child had been using drugs to counter the effects of depression.  It may sound like an unusual occurrence but it is anything but that. Over the course of my ministry at St. Matthew’s, I have had a similar conversation with multiple parents because not only do today’s youth have easy access to mind altering substances at an alarming rate but they also suffer from depression and suicidal thoughts frequently and mainly in silence.

Depression, drug use and suicide are topics that are frequently discussed in the news, on social media and on the Internet.  There are many people that have opinions and solutions concerning these issues and I am sure that many are very good ideas.  I’m not here to debate or discuss them, but rather to offer some suggestions about how we, as parents, grandparents and caregivers of teens can try to “break open” our teens and give them a space to discuss the issues they are facing in a safe non-judgmental manner. 

While your teen may never be able to have the conversation with you in a face-to-face manner, many teens are willing to have the conversation in writing.  One of the best ideas I have heard comes from a blog, handsfreemama.com.  Rachel, the author of the blog and the mother of a teenage girl, says that no matter how hard she tried to talk to her daughter, her daughter wouldn’t open up.  Finally she got the idea to give her daughter a notebook in which she could write down anything she needed to say.  On the first page of the journal, Rachel wrote this,

“No mistake you make is bigger than my love.  

You are never alone. 

I love you, just as you are today.  

You can always come home.”  

Think for just a minute how powerful those four lines are.  In four short lines, Rachel told her daughter that no matter what I will be there for you.  Her statements covered something that most teens question and Rachel answered them without being asked.  Maybe you feel that your child already knows those answers, and maybe they do, but when was the last time you said it to them?  Would your teen feel safe coming home from an evening out with friends after drinking or smoking or doing something wrong?  I’m not condoning those behaviors, but I am saying that we as parents must respond rather than react to our teens when they make poor decisions, after all we were teens once and most likely also made bad decisions. 

My response to the mother who called me and when speaking to parents about their teens is make sure you teen knows you love them and there is nothing they say that can change that fact.  They aren’t alone in what’s going on in their lives and that we (parent and teen) will work through this together.  While it may not be a miracle answer, it is an opening for the teen to understand that you are not the enemy but rather someone that they can open up and share their feelings with and know they will be safe in a tumultuous world.  Depression can easily be hidden from people even parents so it is important to look for signs of depression in youth.  Some of the signs and symptoms are: Sadness, irritability, withdrawing from some but not all people, unexplained aches and pains, extreme sensitivity to criticism.  Many of the signs might be attributed to normal teenage growing pains but that isn’t always the reason.  Youth today wrestle with many more issues than we were ever faced with growing up.  In speaking to our kids, I hear them saying that there are very few people that teens today feel safe talking to and who they can open up to so it is of the upmost importance that home is a protected place to talk.  If you feel that you aren’t able to have difficult conversations with your teens, counseling is another possibility with both group and individual options.

            I like to think that trying to get a teen to open up about their feelings is like getting to the heart of an artichoke.  It takes lots of work and perseverance, but once you get to its heart, there is a wonderfully delicious gift.  If you give up while peeling back the layers, you will never know what lies at the center.  Your teenager is the same.  Once in a while, a spine might prick you as you peel it back, but when you get to the center of your teen, you will find a wonderfully created gift from God, a loving caring child.

            If your teen is in crisis due to depression, suicidal thoughts, or other mental challenges, there is someone they can talk to anonymously by calling the National Suicide Prevention Hotline @ 1-800-273-8255 or by texting HOME to 741741.

Sermon's as they are written verse given

I am always amazed that after reading, praying and pondering the lessons for a specific Sunday that I can sit down and either write a sermon or at least have bullet points for that week's sermon.  Sometimes, when I actually write a manuscript for the sermon, what comes out of my mouth during the sermon is not entirely the same.  In fact there are weeks when it is completely different!  This week, I wrote a manuscript and hoped to be close to it when I delivered it.  I'm not sure I really did that though.  For fun, I have attached a link to the video of the sermon and the script is below.

Video of my sermon from Easter 2

Here is the script:

This morning we hear the story of Jesus’ first and second appearance to the disciples after his resurrection.  In His first appearance, Jesus arrives to find his disciples locked away, fearful and not knowing what to do next.  Their leader was no longer present and they were unsure of what the future held for them.  Imagine their surprise and shock when Jesus shows up amongst them?  They were realists, other than a couple of miracles they had seen previously, they believed and knew that those that died stayed dead.  It was not a fact that was lost on them.  Jesus had died and he wasn’t coming back or so they thought until Jesus showed up in the middle of them.

I imagine those first disciples must have been even more freaked out all of a sudden seeing Jesus with them.  That fact wasn’t lost on Jesus either, because he immediately say, Peace be with you.  Jesus knew that at that very moment what the disciples needed most was a calming presence.  Like most of us, when we are startled by something, our hearts and minds race, we need someone to calm us down and bring us peace and Jesus does just that.

Unfortunately, one of the disciples was not with them and was unable to experience the risen Christ.  Thomas, someone that I feel has been given the short end of the stick by forever known as Doubting Thomas, hears from the disciples and doesn’t believe.  Who can blame him?  Thomas wasn’t really a doubter as must as he was a realist.  How many times have we heard something from friends and not believed what they say.  Luckily, we can go to a classic children’s movie for help with this one.  Just like the conductor says to Hero Boy in the polar express,  “Seeing is believing, but sometimes the most real things in the world are the things we cannot see.”  Jesus appearance to the disciples was very real and very true.  It isn’t until Jesus appears again when Thomas is present that Thomas actually believes the disciples. 

It is important for us to take note in both of Jesus post resurrection appearances.  Never once does Jesus shame, ridicule or make fun of the disciples he appears to.  Rather Jesus meets them where they are.  Jesus understands the situation and offers peace and forgiveness to them.  But he doesn’t stop there.  After offering them peace and forgiveness, Jesus tells them to go out into the world and continue doing the same thing to others. 

Jesus isn’t telling just His disciples to do that, he is tell YOU!  He is telling us that we are called to go into the world and offer peace and forgiveness.  Before you start to ask how and why can I do that, remember that Jesus is not sending us into the world by ourselves.  Jesus is sending the Holy Spirit to join us.  It is with the power of the Spirit that we are able to do the work we are called to do. 

Martin Luther King Jr. once said, “Faith is taking the first step even when you don’t see the whole staircase.”  We have been given the first step by being told of the Risen Christ.  Rather than hiding ourselves in a locked room in fear, we must step out into the world in faith believing in a Risen Christ we cannot physically see, offering the peace of the Risen Christ, loving ourselves and one another, forgiving as we have been forgiven and sharing the Good News with everyone.   Now is the time, now is the place,  Go, and make those that have not seen believe!

Be the Light

Something to think and ponder on this Saturday morning