Death...

I have been doing a lot of talking about death this semester here are CDSP and on Facebook.  You see I am taking a class entitled The Spirituality of Death and Dying.  The class is all about how we as Christians handle death, both personally and as a religion. In fact just this morning, a group of us spent the morning exploring a cemetery and mausoleum. It was a wonderful adventure and hope to have the pictures I took up here in a few days. But that is another post.  Now on with the class description.

One of our first assignments was to create our own advanced directives and plan our own funeral.  The thought was that if we couldn't talk about our own death, how as future priests within the church could we help our parishioners.    It is a serious topic for discussion and one that we all really spent some time thinking about.  Of course everything up until now has been working from my head.  Unfortunately tonight, death went from being something we think about in class and among friends to a community event from the heart.

This past week the local middle school was rocked with allegations of sexual misconduct by a teacher.  The teacher was arrested and ultimately was released on bail.  On Tuesday, the community was notified that the teacher had committed suicide.  The entire community was devastated not only by the allegations but also by the teacher's death.  My field ed supervisor felt that the local religious community should do something to respond to these events.  Tonight was that event.  My supervisor asked if I was able to attend, so I left our community eucharistic celebration and community night dinner and headed over to the local town hall.  We placed luminaries on the sidewalk outside and set up   160 chairs.  There were sand boxes for votive candles and everything was made ready.  The event was scheduled to begin at 7:30 p.m..  Inside nine religious leaders came together for a "Community Interfaith Gathering for Comfort and Healing.  At first I was concerned whether anyone would attend the service.  What I soon learned was that this community is in need of hope.  When the program finally ended over 200 people were in attendance and it was an incredibly moving experience.  I stood in the back of the auditorium and spoke with people, both teenagers and adults, as they left during the service, always checking to see if they wanted to talk or what emotions they were facing.

The tears in the eyes of young and old were flowing and the outpouring of love to all the victims, both students and teacher, was incredible.  I have never experienced an event like I did this evening.  I know none of the victims, yet by the end of the night I feel like I know all of them.  I heard stories of a well-respected teacher who loved his students and of students that had their innocence taken away.  We do not know the truth behind the story and now we probably never will.  The story cannot have closure.

In cases like this some of the most disturbing things I heard were from parents.  One parent spoke of her daughter's friends cutting themselves because they had no way to release the pain they felt.  The parent expressed her concern for the well-being of all the children.  Of feeling helpless and not knowing where to turn.  While listening to her speak, I also felt helpless.  What does one say to a person as they tell you of someone else's pain.  I have never gone through it and sure can't say I understand because I don't.

After an event like this, I can truly say that I hope I never experience this type of event again.  Unfortunately, I probably will face a similar instance during my time in parish ministry.  This evening gave me an excellent opportunity to reflect upon just how fragile we are as humans and how much we need each other when tragedy strikes.

When an event like this takes place, I find myself begin to ask some pretty tough questions.  Where is God in all these events?  How can someone reconcile the God of Love against a God that allows these events to take place?  If I am struggling with these issues, imagine what a person not in seminary must be thinking?  How, as a future priest (God willing),  can I help people come to terms with these issues? Maybe that is one of the reasons I was there tonight, in order for me to wrestle with the tough questions.  I really don't know.  Hopefully as I reflect upon these events further, I will begin to understand and or comprehend but as of right now, I don't.

I will leave you with the Litany for community healing and comfort that was used this evening.

Coming from all corners of our community, we gather in the midst of pain and confusion.  We come together to seek and share healing and comfort.

Source of Life and love, we need help holding this heavy load.  Be with us as we gather to seek and share healing and comfort.

For all those in need: May there be healing and comfort.
For the family of the deceased: May there be healing and comfort.
For our students, their parents and families: May there be healing and comfort.
For teachers, counselors and school teachers: May there be healing and comfort.
For those who speak out: May there be healing and comfort.
For victims of abuse and hurt: May there be healing and comfort.
For public servants: May there be healing and comfort.
For the bearers of difficult news: May there be healing and comfort.
For all who consider this community home: May there be healing and comfort.

May the source of Life be with each of us, and may we be present with one another, that we may move - as individuals and as families, as schools and as a community - towards healing and comfort.

 Lighting the way into the service

As the service began

I apologize if this post seems to be a stream of consciousness as I believe it really is.  I needed to write down some of my thoughts from this evening as a way to help me process what I witnessed this evening.  What I have written here is just a small portion of what I have been thinking and feeling over the course of the last seven hours now.