This afternoon I was having a discussion with a very close friend about life. It seems that both of us had recently finished our semesters and were looking back on what made this semester so hard for us. Each of us had our own reasons for why it was difficult but it seems that even with all our so called issues, we still have it relatively easy.
This friend began discussing a friend of theirs that asked if they could help locate a homeless man that had just moved to Berkeley. The man, let's call him Joe, was close to graduating from community college back home when the school kicked him out. Now Joe wasn't an angel, he said I had done some things in the past, but he was an A student and had a possibility of being the valedictorian of his class. Pretty impressive huh? Yet the school asked him to leave, and as a result lost all financial aid he had. So Joe was now homeless. For most people, being kicked out of school is bad but they have parents that might accept them and welcome them home. Unfortunately for Joe, he has no parents.
Joe's parents had their parental rights terminated when he was 6. He and his 4 siblings were split up and moved into foster care. Joe got to stay with his younger sister, but they moved from foster home to foster home as a result of inappropriate activities by the foster parents. (He describes having a knife held to his throat, being punched, etc) Finally he and his sister tried to run away and move back in with their parents. As you can imaging, Children and Family Services were quick to remove them once again. This movement from family to family continued until Joe "aged out" of the system when he turned 18. He had no where to go and nothing to do so he tried to survive with odd jobs, etc. Finally he decided to apply to community college and survived for almost 3 semesters.
Well he has now been kicked out and decided to move to Berkeley, half the country away from where he was enrolled in school. Now why Berkeley, one might ask? That's a good question as Berkeley doesn't have homeless shelters or even very good services for the homeless but the climate is such that you won't freeze to death at night or get snowed on either. So Joe is here in Berkeley, deciding what to do next.
He is a smart 28 year old kid that when confronted with an issue runs away, after all he has never been taught anything else. He had no parents or role models to teach him coping mechanisms. It seems that society has let Joe down. He is a kid without opportunity. My friend offered to help Joe but Joe quickly refused as one thing Joe still owns is his dignity. That was a powerful reminder for me, while it is nice to help, we also don't want to take away a person's sense of agency. Joe doesn't want handouts, he wants freedom and respect.
So why do I mention this now? I guess, as I sit here in my warm room, I realize how lucky I am to have a family that loves me and cares about me, a son that is the best thing that has ever happened to me, and a group of incredible friends that when the going gets rough, will circle the wagons and ensure that I survive. It is something that is easy to take for granted. But it is something that NONE of us should ever take for granted. We are all blessed to have family and friends that love and care about us. And while we are celebrating with them this year, let us not forget those that will be alone and on the streets this holiday season, not because of anything they did but rather because of a choice that was made for them many many years ago.
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