Christmas Eve

A few days ago, I wrote about Joe, a 28 yr old kid that is homeless and is a few classes short of receiving his college degree.  After I wrote, Joe left our campus and said he would be fine.  Both Twila and I have been looking around for him to ensure that he was okay.  Unfortunately, we were both unable to find him.  He has been in our prayers as well as our thoughts every day.

Today, I left campus around 4 o'clock in order to get to a family service at 5.  After the service, Twila and I had a Christmas eve dinner at a local japanese restaurant and then we parted ways.  I headed to Mill Valley for the midnight service and she headed back to her field ed parish for their midnight service.

At Mill Valley, the priest preached about silence, specifically how silence can be holy.  He was referring to the words of Silent Night, Holy Night.  He felt we need to learn to live in silence.  Silence can be scary and most people ail do anything they can to fill the void of silence.  Yet as Richard, the priest said, God is silent many times and that we need to be able to live in that silence.  As the words of the song say "Silent Night Holy Night, all is calm, all is bright."

As I reflect upon my discernment so far, I realize how important silence has been.  Some of the most profound times have been in silence.  Tonight was another one of those silent moments.  As I sat in church, the lights went out and the congregation began to sing Silent Night.  I stayed silent and listened.  As I listened, the awe and mystery of Christmas washed over me and I began to cry.  There I was in a church where I only knew 2 people and yet, I was among family, my Christian family.  All celebrating the birth of a baby who would come to save us from ourselves.

That baby brings me back to Joe.  I got home from church and found Joe.  He had returned to school, I presume looking for Twila and I.  Neither of us were there so he did the only thing he could do, he put out his sleeping bag and went to bed.  I didn't want to wake him, but left a note for him telling him I was here and that if he needed anything to call me or e-mail me.  But also I was reminded that as we all prepare to celebrate Christmas with our families, there are some people that will not have people to celebrate with.  For Joe, it doesn't matter that it is Christmas Day, it's just another day.  Well personally, I don't think anyone should have to be alone on Christmas and I am hoping that he will join me for breakfast.

In the meantime, Have a Merry Christmas everyone!

Christmas - Not always a time of joy for all

This afternoon I was having a discussion with a very close friend about life.  It seems that both of us had recently finished our semesters and were looking back on what made this semester so hard for us.  Each of us had our own reasons for why it was difficult but it seems that even with all our so called issues, we still have it relatively easy.

This friend began discussing a friend of theirs that asked if they could help locate a homeless man that had just moved to Berkeley.  The man, let's call him Joe, was close to graduating from community college back home when the school kicked him out.  Now Joe wasn't an angel, he said I had done some things in the past, but he was an A student and had a possibility of being the valedictorian of his class.  Pretty impressive huh?  Yet the school asked him to leave, and as a result lost all financial aid he had.  So Joe was now homeless.  For most people, being kicked out of school is bad but they have parents that might accept them and welcome them home.  Unfortunately for Joe, he has no parents.

Joe's parents had their parental rights terminated when he was 6.  He and his 4 siblings were split up and moved into foster care.  Joe got to stay with his younger sister, but they moved from foster home to foster home as a result of inappropriate activities by the foster parents.  (He describes having a knife held to his throat, being punched, etc)  Finally he and his sister tried to run away and move back in with their parents.  As you can imaging, Children and Family Services were quick to remove them once again.  This movement from family to family continued until Joe "aged out" of the system when he turned 18.  He had no where to go and nothing to do so he tried to survive with odd jobs, etc.  Finally he decided to apply to community college and survived for almost 3 semesters.

Well he has now been kicked out and decided to move to Berkeley, half the country away from where he was enrolled in school.  Now why Berkeley, one might ask?  That's a good question as Berkeley doesn't have homeless shelters or even very good services for the homeless but the climate is such that you won't freeze to death at night or get snowed on either.  So Joe is here in Berkeley, deciding what to do next.

He is a smart 28 year old kid that when confronted with an issue runs away, after all he has never been taught anything else.  He had no parents or role models to teach him coping mechanisms.  It seems that society has let Joe down.  He is a kid without opportunity.  My friend offered to help Joe but Joe quickly refused as one thing Joe still owns is his dignity.  That was a powerful reminder for me, while it  is nice to help, we also don't want to take away a person's sense of agency.  Joe doesn't want handouts, he wants freedom and respect.  

So why do I mention this now?  I guess, as I sit here in my warm room, I realize how lucky I am to have a family that loves me and cares about me, a son that is the best thing that has ever happened to me, and a group of incredible friends that when the going gets rough, will circle the wagons and ensure that I survive.  It is something that is easy to take for granted.  But it is something that NONE of us should ever take for granted.  We are all blessed to have family and friends that love and care about us. And while we are celebrating with them this year, let us not forget those that will be alone and on the streets this holiday season, not because of anything they did but rather because of a choice that was made for them many many years ago.

My First Sermon in the CDSP Chapel

One of the biggest challenges that seminarians face is preaching in front of our peers and professors in the seminary chapel.  A requirement of graduation is that we preach a senior sermon.  I didn't want my first experience preaching in the chapel to be my senior sermon so I volunteered to preach in the chapel today.  To say that I was nervous would be an understatement.  Finally the hour arrived and I got ready to preach.  I delivered the sermon and waited for the reaction.  I am glad to say that I got some constructive criticism as well as some people telling me that it was good.  I will let you decide what you think.  Below is the text from my sermon.

Sermon for Tuesday May 14th
CDSP Chapel
11:30 a.m. Eucharist

June 7 and October 7, 1998 may have seemed like normal days for most people, but both days were days that changed the course of American History.  For on June 7, 1998, a African American man named James Byrd was brutally murdered by three white supremacists in Jasper, TX.  James was tied up and dragged behind a pick-up truck until he died.  Later that year on October 7, a young man named Matthew Shepard was also brutally murdered by two men in Laramie, Wyoming for being homosexual.  Matthew was taken to a remote field, tied to a split rail fence and tortured after which he was left to die.  Both men died lonely painful deaths.  But more importantly, both these men were killed not because of something they had done but rather because they were different than others, James for being African American and Matthew for being homosexual. They were innocent victims who did nothing to provoke the violence done to them.  They were victims of hate and bigotry.

            Back in 1998 and, to an extent, still to this day, society is separated by political party, socio-economic status, beliefs on social issues, the list could go on and on.  It seems that as a part of society, we can fall into any number of different camps based upon how we think, feel or look.  We only have to look to the most recent presidential elections to see how divided the country can be over issues affecting us. We are a people of division.

            In today’s Gospel reading, Jesus is speaking not about division but unity.  Jesus looks toward heaven and begins to pray.  In his prayer he explains that his job on Earth is complete and that he has shown his followers that just as he is one with God so are they one with him.  Continuing he says that all that is His is God’s and all that is God’s is Jesus’.  His words show a unity unlike anything his disciples could understand.  But Jesus doesn’t stop there.  Jesus continues by saying protect them so that they may be one, as we are one.

            Really!  Isn’t that a really big order?  Jesus is asking God to allow humanity to be one.  I don’t know about you, but growing up with siblings, I know that is a pretty tall order.  We never got along.  We always fought and argued even if it was to argue over the argument.  Yet here Jesus is praying that we, his followers may all be one. 

            In Jesus’ prayer, we are called to be in Christ as Christ is in us.  We are called to live together in unity and harmony with each other.  We are called to set aside our differences and love one another, not to look at the differences we have but see the things we have in common.  If we continue to think this through, there is a bigger issue.  If we are all to live in unity, then there is no one on the outside.  We are ALL in.  We no longer get to choose who is in and who is out.  The decision has been made for us.  We are ALL in.  That is a pretty profound statement.  One consequence of living as Christians is that we must accept that decision and live our lives in that manner.

            As I looked at life here at CDSP and within the GTU, I think we are doing a pretty good job of living in unity.  After all, we live as one big community of travelers on this road, we call seminary.  As a community, we share our classroom, our learning, our professors, and sometimes even our meals.  We share war stories about our papers, exams and lectures.  Heck, we even share our worship experiences sometimes.  But yet, even with everything that unifies us, we can have our differences.  We have differing religious beliefs and different ways of being church, yet we share the same God.  Each time we worship, we pray to the same God.            Unity is not easy though.  Looking back on Christian History, we see many different separations, Paul and Barnabas in the Book of Acts, Martin Luther and the Rome, The East/West Schism, Church of England and Rome, just to name a few. Even now in the Episcopal Church we cannot keep our house in order.  In our own church there are discussions and divisions taking place as we speak over issues such as homosexuality, marriage equality, and Open Table, just to name a few.  We are divided over who is in and who is out.  Whether I am acceptable or not based upon who I love or don’t love.  Yet it seems to me that the answer to that question has been decided already.  We are called to love one another and live in unity.

            Just yesterday, Minnesota became the twelfth state in the United States to pass a law allowing for marriage equality.  The momentum has begun and it seems like more and more states are beginning to see that equality and unity are not a choice but a necessity.  Yet, I also know that it is difficult for some people to accept marriage equality.  Some states are moving farther and farther away from it.  In my home state of Pennsylvania a state representative recently introduced a bill saying marriage was between a man and a woman.  He felt that Pennsylvania needed to ensure that the idea of marriage didn’t change.  This representative has views that I don’t necessarily agree with yet I still must live in unity with him.  I still have to find a place for him at the table.  The message Jesus sends us in his prayer is to place relationship before rightness, mutuality above dismissal.  My feelings toward the representative from Pennsylvania shouldn’t be about who is right and wrong but rather about the relationship we have in order to talk about and through our differences

            For Matthew Shepard and James Byrd, there was no chance at mutuality and relationship, for them it was about rightness and dismissal.  Unfortunately, they died not because of what they stood for but because of who they were.  The people that killed them did not see the unifying piece that we are all God’s creation but rather the destructive piece of difference.  Whether we are African American, Asian, or European descent, whether we are LGBTQ or straight, we are all creations of God and we all fall under the prayer Jesus prayed in today’s gospel reading. We do not get to choose who God is in relationship with; and that means that if we want to be in relationship with God, we must also be in relationship with those who God has already chosen to be in relationship with – whether we like them or not; whether we agree with God’s choices or not.  So, how can we love persons whom God has chosen and that may be our enemies and possibly also our neighbors as Jesus loves me?

           

Sermon for the Fifth Sunday of Easter

This morning was my last sermon at my field ed placement at St. Alban's Episcopal Church.  I used this sermon to summarize my experiences at St. Alban's.  The parish has been rocked by deaths, illness and major surgeries and I hoped that the parishioners would be able to find strength in the words of this mornings Gospel reading.  The text of my sermon is below.  I look forward to hearing your comments on it.

The Fifth Sunday of Easter
Acts 11: 1-18
Psalm 148
Revelation 21:1-6
John 13:31-35

Reflecting and studying the readings from this morning, I thought Wow, I think I can write a sermon on the Gospel reading without a problem. I can talk about Love and everything will be perfect. In fact I had a sermon about half way written, but like many things in my life, it was not that easy. You see, the reading from Revelation kept coming back to me. It kept nagging at me. How can the writer honestly say, “He will wipe every tear from their eyes, Death will be no more; mourning and crying and pain will be no more?” We live in a world where gunshots ring out, drugs are sold, and peoples’ lives are changed forever. We have become desensitized to the grim reality that our newspapers, and TV are filled with scenes of people dying, crying, and in pain. We do not need to look at the greater world for examples, here at St. Alban’s, we have seen our fair share of mourning, crying and pain. We have experienced deaths, surgeries and illnesses among us and the surrounding community. Humanity is still suffering, we are crying, and full of pain. It seems like the words in this passage are wrong. But they are not. The images contained within Revelation are written to describe the new order and we are still living as members of the old order, waiting for Jesus to return to this world. Since we have not experienced the second coming, we must look other places to find answers to our questions.

Today we celebrate the fifth Sunday of Easter. The time when Jesus has been resurrected and was walking among his disciples. A few weeks ago, we heard the story of Thomas, doubting whether the person who entered the room was actually Jesus. In response Jesus told Thomas to put his fingers in the holes in his hands and feet and to feel the wound on his side where he had been pierced. Even in the resurrected Christ, the woundedness and pain are still present. The physical signs of Jesus death are still visible. Even in the resurrection, the cross is never removed from our history. The cross and all the pain, doubt and suffering that goes with it will never be removed from us. Christ was crucified on a cross and that we can never forget. The pain from the nails on his hands and feet, the piercing wound on his side will always be present. The resurrected Christ made sure to tell us, his followers, that the cross is a part of our history. But while on the cross he also tells John to take care of Mary and for Mary to take care of John. Even as Jesus was on the cross dying, He wanted to ensure we understood how to love one another.

Thomas Merton is quoted as Love has nothing to do with what you are expecting to get – only with what you are expecting to give – which is everything. This is exactly what God did for us. God gave Jesus because he loved us, his creation, so much. As we look at the Gospel reading for this morning, we hear the final discourse between Jesus and his disciples. Judas had just left to betray Jesus, and Jesus is sitting talking to his disciples. They have shared a meal in which Jesus spoke of a new covenant. Then after dinner, He is once again trying to help the disciples understand that very shortly he will give everything including his life for the love of humanity. He says, Where I am going, you cannot come. Up until now, Jesus has alluded to his mission and the disciples have never understood. This is yet another example of the disciples not understanding. They still don’t understand what exactly he means. In fact the passage directly after this is when Peter asks Jesus, Where are you going? It seems the disciples are more interested in understanding what is happening to Jesus then listening to what he is saying.

For us, this passage is important today for two reasons. The first reason is due to where Jesus is going and the second because of what Jesus was saying. Jesus is preparing for the trials he will face shortly. Within a few short days of this discourse, Jesus will be arrested, tried and crucified. Jesus will give up his life for the love of humanity. But more importantly, Jesus offers a new commandment for his disciples. Jesus commands his disciples to love one another. But not just love one another but to love one another as he has loved them. In the Hellenistic world, there are three words for love agape, eros and philos, in English we only have one. In this passage, Jesus speaks of agape love which was the least common word used for love. Agape is defined as love, which is of and from God. It’s not the sappy sentimental love we see in movies but a much greater love, it is the unmerited love God shows to humankind in sending his son as suffering redeemer. When Jesus tells his disciples to love one another as he love them, he was not only speaking to the twelve gathered around the table that night. Jesus was also speaking to us, his disciples. As Christians today, we are also called to love one another. Archbishop Desmond Tutu , a modern day saint and leader within the freedom movement in South Africa, when asked what is the meaning of life said, “ultimately we’re meant for love… we’re meant as those who will communicate love and make this world more hospitable to love.”

As I have become a part of this community over the past eight months, I have seen that this community embodies both Bishop Tutu’s meaning of life as well as Jesus’ new commandment to love one another. Over the past year, significant loss has occurred within this community. We have lost husbands and wives, mothers and fathers, sisters and brothers, friends, and confidants. We have watched and waited with loved ones as they recover from significant surgeries and illnesses. We have cared for each other through the good times and the bad. We have LOVED one another. Saint Alban’s has mentored me in what it means to love one another within a community. You have helped me see firsthand what it is like to live in a Christian community where love rules. As I watched each of you care for each other, hold each other, pray with each other week after week, I saw agape love. This love doesn’t end on Sunday when we leave here either, but rather continues all week long. Each Wednesday, during the healing Eucharist, I listened as the members of that small group of worshippers prayed not for their own needs but the needs of others. Many times, I felt selfish asking for healing for myself when everyone else was asking for healing for others. That time of worship is something I look forward to every week, as we gather to share our hopes and dreams, our hurts and sorrows.

The agape love is not just within the community of St. Alban’s either. It extends to the way St. Alban’s opens its doors to the outside community as well. Just in the year I have been here, this community has participated in an ecumenical service of healing, welcomed a new after school program for kids, and planted a community garden as well as continued all the other ministries already present here. This parish shows its love everywhere it goes. After all who could forget the first function he and I both attended where he danced and I watched. The welcoming love we were shown that night was just typical of St. Alban’s. There is a long history of seminarians here at St. Alban’s and I am sure that each one of us would have our own stories of love that we could describe. But the common denominator in all the stories is you and your dedication to caring for each other and the greater community.

It is not possible to celebrate the resurrection without also having the cross. One piece of the cross is the mourning, the crying and the pain associated with it. Jesus did die on that cross, but he was also resurrected three days later. And it is the resurrection that we celebrate in this, the Easter season. In the resurrection, we are shown that love is stronger than death. That Love can conquer and that we should always remember Jesus commandment to love one another as I have loved you.

For this one thing I am certain. St. Alban’s is a community where love can and does conquer all and that we do love one another as Christ loved us.



Amen.

                       

Sermon for Sunday Feb 24 the Second Sunday of Lent

I will never forget the date.  It was July 16, I was an eighteen year old boy setting out on what I thought would be the adventure of a lifetime!  My suitcases were already checked and I was standing in the departures area of JFK airport in New York waiting for my plane to take me to South Africa.  I still remember the excitement as the plane took off and I watched out the window and said goodbye to the land I loved.  But along with the excitement was the doubt.  I had said goodbye to my friends and family.  I was leaving the life I knew, a life of comfort, of cultural understanding and of a language I understood, behind.  I was 24 hours away from living in a new country with new people and a new way of life.   I was excited, thinking about what adventures would await me in sub-Saharan Africa.

Unfortunately, that excitement did not last for long.  I arrived in Johannesburg airport but my suitcases decided they didn’t want the same experience.  They had never left New York.  Within moments, my excitement of arriving in South Africa was dashed by my fear of what do I do now?  I began to question whether I had made the right decision.  Was I stranded in a foreign land with nothing?  Was I really ready for an adventure by myself?  Had I just been overly confident in my abilities to overcome adversity?

I can only imagine that David has similar feelings as he wrote this morning’s Psalm.  The Psalm begins with David acknowledging that he has nothing to fear because he is confident of the Lord’s protection in this life. His biggest wish is to live in the house of the Lord forever, and see the loveliness of the Lord in the next life as well.  David knows that whatever comes his way the Lord will care for him.  Yet, he quickly loses his confidence in the Lord.  David says, “Seek my face. Your face, Lord I do seek, Do not hide your face from me.  … Abandon me not, nor forsake me.”   David fears that the Lord has left him for his enemies.  David begins to doubt whether the Lord is present in his life. He misses that presence and questions where the Lord has gone.

David is not the only person that doubts the presence of the Lord.

As we heard in today’s first reading, Abram also doubts.  Abram has just returned home from rescuing his nephew Lot from the eastern kings.  Abram and his “army” of three hundred eighteen men had defeated many men and kings and could have taken much from the men, yet he took nothing but the food and drink his men had eaten.  He is victorious against his enemies but when he arrives home he starts to doubt himself.  He questions whether he will ever have an heir.  He is upset and feels that there is no hope.

God tells Abram that God will be his protection and that Abram will have many descendants, in fact to many descendants to count.  Yet Abram questions this.  In response, God takes Abram outside and asks him to count the stars.  Now I don’t know about you, but if you have ever visited a location where there isn’t much artificial light, the night sky is filled with stars.  For any person to sit and count the starts would be nearly impossible.  But what does Abram do?  He listens to God and God offers the first covenant between Abram and God.

Like David and Abram, how often do we lose confidence in ourselves?  How often do we doubt our abilities? How often do we allow the stress and anxiety of our everyday lives get in the way of our own abilities?  Last week in her sermon, Kathleen spoke about the vigil or gun violence held at Good Shepherd church.  She said she knew it was what needed to be done but that she asked herself what could she do about gun violence.  I am sure that each of us has had moments in our lives when we questioned whether we were good enough to handle the task set before us.  I know I have.  Even one of the most famous women in recent Christian history doubted herself.  Mother Theresa in a letter sent to her superiors questioned her faith and ability to complete her work.  She said:

I call, I cling, I want — and there is no One to answer — no One on Whom I can cling — no, No One. — Alone … Where is my Faith — even deep down right in there is nothing, but emptiness & darkness — My God — how painful is this unknown pain — I have no Faith — I dare not utter the words & thoughts that crowd in my heart — & make me suffer untold agony.

So many unanswered questions live within me afraid to uncover them — because of the blasphemy — If there be God — please forgive me — When I try to raise my thoughts to Heaven — there is such convicting emptiness that those very thoughts return like sharp knives & hurt my very soul. — I am told God loves me — and yet the reality of darkness & coldness & emptiness is so great that nothing touches my soul.

If Mother Theresa, the woman who is known for doing so much good and caring for so many untouchable people in India, can doubt her own abilities, why can’t we.  Maybe we are not looking at the challenge of caring for an entire caste of India, but we too have things in our life that affect us.  We have grief over the death of loved ones, concern for sick family members; loss of jobs, stress over money, grades in school, the list can go on and on.  I believe we all have issues that can create doubt in our lives.   It is in these times of doubt that we are called to be outside ourselves.  What does, To be outside ourselves mean, you might ask?  Being outside ourselves, is a challenge to look past our own feelings and concerns.  It is a place to look beyond our own comprehension or our own thinking.  A time to look for guidance from an outside source.   It is quite possibly a time when our own self-confidence is either shaken or gone.  It is a scary place to be.  Nothing looks like it will work out.  

It is in times like these that we must have confidence in God’s confidence of us.  We were created in God’s image.  We are a self-reflection of God.  No matter what happens in our lives, God has the confidence that all will work out for the best.  God doesn’t promise that it will always be easy.  In fact, as we have seen in all of this morning’s readings, it is not easy for any of the characters in the lessons.  The Pharisees offer support to Jesus but he tells them no, he has a job to do.  Paul tells the Philippians that God will transform our humiliation into glory.  Living life isn’t easy, life has never been promised to be easy. But we can take heart in knowing that at the end of this period of the church year, we call Lent, we will celebrate the Resurrection.  It is the ultimate example of God showing confidence in us.  This is the time for us to loose the doubt of our lives, to let go of any doubt in our abilities and a time to allow God to show us the way to bring confidence back into our lives.

I know I examine the confidence or lack thereof in my own life a lot.  Which brings me back to the story I opened with.  I had lost all confidence in myself when I had no luggage in South Africa.  It was out of that experience that I learned I was capable to take care of myself.  I saw that I had the ability to learn from my experiences and integrate those experiences into my being.  I became aware that I was not alone in my trip but had the support of an entire community back home.  After thirteen months away, I returned home, no the boy who had left, but a man capable of overcoming any adversity I faced.  I had witnessed firsthand the horrors of apartheid.  I had seen how an entire population of people, who based upon their skin color, could be treated more like animals than like people.  Looking back now, 25 years later, I can see that it was a time when an entire group of people where as the psalmist says were waiting for the lord.  Being strong and letting their hearts take courage.  So I ask that each of us reflect this week, in what ways are we allowing ourselves to be strong and wait for the Lord.

Sorry It's been awhile

I realize that I have not posted since October.  Life has been a bit crazy but that is no excuse for not keeping my blog current.  Hopefully this week I will be able to post some of the stuff that has been going on since October but I figured I would start posting again.  As soon as I am done with this post, I will post the manuscript from the sermon I preached this morning at St. Alban's church, my field ed parish.

I look forward to posting more in the next few days.