Sunday, February 24, 2013

Sermon for Sunday Feb 24 the Second Sunday of Lent


I will never forget the date.  It was July 16, I was an eighteen year old boy setting out on what I thought would be the adventure of a lifetime!  My suitcases were already checked and I was standing in the departures area of JFK airport in New York waiting for my plane to take me to South Africa.  I still remember the excitement as the plane took off and I watched out the window and said goodbye to the land I loved.  But along with the excitement was the doubt.  I had said goodbye to my friends and family.  I was leaving the life I knew, a life of comfort, of cultural understanding and of a language I understood, behind.  I was 24 hours away from living in a new country with new people and a new way of life.   I was excited, thinking about what adventures would await me in sub-Saharan Africa.

Unfortunately, that excitement did not last for long.  I arrived in Johannesburg airport but my suitcases decided they didn’t want the same experience.  They had never left New York.  Within moments, my excitement of arriving in South Africa was dashed by my fear of what do I do now?  I began to question whether I had made the right decision.  Was I stranded in a foreign land with nothing?  Was I really ready for an adventure by myself?  Had I just been overly confident in my abilities to overcome adversity?

I can only imagine that David has similar feelings as he wrote this morning’s Psalm.  The Psalm begins with David acknowledging that he has nothing to fear because he is confident of the Lord’s protection in this life. His biggest wish is to live in the house of the Lord forever, and see the loveliness of the Lord in the next life as well.  David knows that whatever comes his way the Lord will care for him.  Yet, he quickly loses his confidence in the Lord.  David says, “Seek my face. Your face, Lord I do seek, Do not hide your face from me.  … Abandon me not, nor forsake me.”   David fears that the Lord has left him for his enemies.  David begins to doubt whether the Lord is present in his life. He misses that presence and questions where the Lord has gone.

David is not the only person that doubts the presence of the Lord.
As we heard in today’s first reading, Abram also doubts.  Abram has just returned home from rescuing his nephew Lot from the eastern kings.  Abram and his “army” of three hundred eighteen men had defeated many men and kings and could have taken much from the men, yet he took nothing but the food and drink his men had eaten.  He is victorious against his enemies but when he arrives home he starts to doubt himself.  He questions whether he will ever have an heir.  He is upset and feels that there is no hope.

God tells Abram that God will be his protection and that Abram will have many descendants, in fact to many descendants to count.  Yet Abram questions this.  In response, God takes Abram outside and asks him to count the stars.  Now I don’t know about you, but if you have ever visited a location where there isn’t much artificial light, the night sky is filled with stars.  For any person to sit and count the starts would be nearly impossible.  But what does Abram do?  He listens to God and God offers the first covenant between Abram and God.

Like David and Abram, how often do we lose confidence in ourselves?  How often do we doubt our abilities? How often do we allow the stress and anxiety of our everyday lives get in the way of our own abilities?  Last week in her sermon, Kathleen spoke about the vigil or gun violence held at Good Shepherd church.  She said she knew it was what needed to be done but that she asked herself what could she do about gun violence.  I am sure that each of us has had moments in our lives when we questioned whether we were good enough to handle the task set before us.  I know I have.  Even one of the most famous women in recent Christian history doubted herself.  Mother Theresa in a letter sent to her superiors questioned her faith and ability to complete her work.  She said:

I call, I cling, I want — and there is no One to answer — no One on Whom I can cling — no, No One. — Alone … Where is my Faith — even deep down right in there is nothing, but emptiness & darkness — My God — how painful is this unknown pain — I have no Faith — I dare not utter the words & thoughts that crowd in my heart — & make me suffer untold agony.
So many unanswered questions live within me afraid to uncover them — because of the blasphemy — If there be God — please forgive me — When I try to raise my thoughts to Heaven — there is such convicting emptiness that those very thoughts return like sharp knives & hurt my very soul. — I am told God loves me — and yet the reality of darkness & coldness & emptiness is so great that nothing touches my soul.

If Mother Theresa, the woman who is known for doing so much good and caring for so many untouchable people in India, can doubt her own abilities, why can’t we.  Maybe we are not looking at the challenge of caring for an entire caste of India, but we too have things in our life that affect us.  We have grief over the death of loved ones, concern for sick family members; loss of jobs, stress over money, grades in school, the list can go on and on.  I believe we all have issues that can create doubt in our lives.   It is in these times of doubt that we are called to be outside ourselves.  What does, To be outside ourselves mean, you might ask?  Being outside ourselves, is a challenge to look past our own feelings and concerns.  It is a place to look beyond our own comprehension or our own thinking.  A time to look for guidance from an outside source.   It is quite possibly a time when our own self-confidence is either shaken or gone.  It is a scary place to be.  Nothing looks like it will work out.  

It is in times like these that we must have confidence in God’s confidence of us.  We were created in God’s image.  We are a self-reflection of God.  No matter what happens in our lives, God has the confidence that all will work out for the best.  God doesn’t promise that it will always be easy.  In fact, as we have seen in all of this morning’s readings, it is not easy for any of the characters in the lessons.  The Pharisees offer support to Jesus but he tells them no, he has a job to do.  Paul tells the Philippians that God will transform our humiliation into glory.  Living life isn’t easy, life has never been promised to be easy. But we can take heart in knowing that at the end of this period of the church year, we call Lent, we will celebrate the Resurrection.  It is the ultimate example of God showing confidence in us.  This is the time for us to loose the doubt of our lives, to let go of any doubt in our abilities and a time to allow God to show us the way to bring confidence back into our lives.

I know I examine the confidence or lack thereof in my own life a lot.  Which brings me back to the story I opened with.  I had lost all confidence in myself when I had no luggage in South Africa.  It was out of that experience that I learned I was capable to take care of myself.  I saw that I had the ability to learn from my experiences and integrate those experiences into my being.  I became aware that I was not alone in my trip but had the support of an entire community back home.  After thirteen months away, I returned home, no the boy who had left, but a man capable of overcoming any adversity I faced.  I had witnessed firsthand the horrors of apartheid.  I had seen how an entire population of people, who based upon their skin color, could be treated more like animals than like people.  Looking back now, 25 years later, I can see that it was a time when an entire group of people where as the psalmist says were waiting for the lord.  Being strong and letting their hearts take courage.  So I ask that each of us reflect this week, in what ways are we allowing ourselves to be strong and wait for the Lord.

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