Are we ready to drink of the cup?

The following is the text from my Good Friday Sermon given at St. Matthew's Episcopal Church on Friday March 30, 2018:

Am I Not to drink the cup the Father has given me?  Those were the words of Jesus as Simon Peter drew his sword to defend Jesus before his arrest.

Those are some powerful words from a man knowing what is to happen next.   In a few hours he will be tried, found guilty and sentenced to death.  For most people, knowing what the cup held for them, they would do everything in their power to not drink of the cup.  Yet Jesus does.   And not just putting it to his lips but gulps it down until it is empty.

For Jesus knew that the cup he was drinking was full of the wrath of God.  The cup was filled with the sour wine of all of humanities sins.  As Paul Tillich likes to say, the cup was full of separation, separation of man from God.   And by drinking of the cup, Jesus was breaking down that separation and making the relationship between God and Man whole once again.  That restoration is something that only He, Jesus, could make happen.  Yet we also know that other people felt they too could drink the cup.

In Matthew, both of the sons of Zebedee declare they are able to drink the cup in order that they may sit at the right and left side of Jesus when he enters His kingdom.  Both men believe they have what it takes to drink, to enter into the separation of Man and God.

Belief is a strange thing.  A good friend once said, “Belief means a no holds barred, dive in the deep end, total commitment to the journey, to living the life – to seeking and asking and knocking on the door, without knowing exactly what you’ll be finding and receiving, or if the door will even open.”   To believe in something is to not be afraid of the unknown, to not care what the end result is but rather to go for it with all the passion and love one can muster.  

I wonder whether, this day, we are really ready to commit ourselves to the journey, the journey to the cross with Jesus.  Jesus was, he knew what was on the other side of the door and he accepted it without fear.  Jesus knew the cross was at hand and that through it, the separation between man and God would be closed forever.  In His sacrifice on the cross, Jesus replaced the cup filled with God’s wrath and humanities sins.  By Jesus drinking the cup he was given, we are free to drink of the cup of the New Covenant, the strengthening of our union with Him, and a taste of what is to come in eternal life. 

Today we walk with him to the cross, to watch him suffer and die in order that the cup may be passed to us.  Are we ready to drink of  His cup?

Amen

Death, Grief and our Lenten Journey

During the season of Lent, we are asked to look at our relationship with God and to use the forty days of Lent as a time to draw closer to God and Christ Jesus.  For many years, I found the Lenten season to be an abstract thought.  How could I use a time set aside by the church to get closer to God?  Isn’t that really what our entire life is supposed to be about?  So why take forty days each year to try and accomplish that lifelong goal?  It wasn’t until the separation from my wife that I began to move from abstract to concrete thoughts.  It wasn’t until I walked in to a Lenten series at a church that I realized how much I needed the Lenten Season in my life.  The congregation was studying C.S. Lewis’ The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe as their theme for the Lenten season.  Before the series, I felt C.S. Lewis was an author of children’s books.  Little did I know that he is also a modern day theologian writing in a manner that allowed everyone to understand Jesus’ death and resurrection.  If you have never read the book or watched the movie through a theological lens, I implore you to this Lenten season.  A powerful part of the story concerns death and the grief it brings along with it.  (Spoiler alert) The death of Aslan brings great sorrow to Narnia.  Yet his sacrificial death also gives hope to all inhabitants of Narnia.  It is in that moment that I began to understand Lent. 

In Lent, we are called to examine our lives, to see how death can bring about new life not just for us but the world around us.  In the death and resurrection of Jesus, all of creation is given new life.  It is only through the dark and dreary sadness of Good Friday that we are able to celebrate the Son-rise of Easter Morning.  So it is in our own lives as well.  It seems that no matter where we turn we easily find the dark and dreary sadness of death and grief similar to Good Friday.  For those of us left reeling from a death, filled with sadness and grief, it is hard to imagine that Easter Sunday will ever arrive.  C.S. Lewis, in A Grief Observed, describes the time after the death of his beloved wife.  Unlike the inhabitants of Narnia whose sorrow was lifted shortly after Aslan’s death, Lewis was unable to understand the why in his grief.  Discussing God during both good and bad times, Lewis says this about the bad times.  “But go to Him (God) when your need is desperate, when all other help is vain, and what do you find? A door slammed in your face, and a sound of bolting and double bolting on the inside. After that, silence.”   Even Lewis, a man of great faith, could not see or hear God in his death and grief.  I believe that many of us have similar thoughts, Where is God when we need God the most?  The reality is that all we are able to see with our earthly eyes is the darkness.  Yet, for God, who sees and knows all things, there is the knowledge that Easter Sunday, the day when death is destroyed forever, is coming.  It is only by our faith that we are able to believe and see that Easter Sunday is coming. On that day, even though the pain of Good Friday is still fresh in our minds, we see a new future being written, a future where death has been conquered, where the love of God for all of creation breaks forth into this world and where we are able to let go of the dreary sadness and welcome the bright new day. 

It is only after walking through darkness that we are able to see the light.  It is during the season of Lent that some of us walk through darkness in order that on Easter Morning, we are able to see the great light of the risen Christ shining new life into our broken grieving hearts.  Only then might we be able to see that rather than slamming the door on our face and being silent, God has been journeying with us throughout the forty days of Lent, holding us close and loving us even when we were not able to be loved.  May your Lenten journey be a Holy one in which you are continually being called into God’s loving redemptive embrace.

Why?

Yesterday, we buried my mother.  She was an incredible woman whose entire vocation in life were to be the best mother and wife she could be.  The readings she chose for her funeral were anything but normal.  As we read the readings, we could only wonder why she had chosen them, but then we realized that the readings spoke to her vocation.  As with any death, we questioned why?  Why had God chosen to end her life so young?  (she was only 72)  The more we wondered the more we couldn’t understand. 

As I was contemplating what to say about her, my mind wandered and I came across a youtube video of Rowan Atkinson (Mr. Bean) in which he gives a speech on the mystery of God.  In his speech, he quotes Isaiah 55, in which Isaiah says, “For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways declares the Lord.  As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts higher than your thoughts.”  In listening to that passage, I came to understand that our role is not to question God but rather to accept the mystery of God and God’s ways. 

We are all destined to die.  We know neither when nor where, but we know we will return to where we have come.  God is a loving God that shows compassion and understands the pain and sorrow we feel when a loved one dies.  It is through the knowledge of God’s love that we are able to move from the person’s death to their life eternal with God.  While we will never know God’s ways or thoughts, we do know God’s love for creation shown to us in the birth, life and death of Jesus Christ.  This is the source of my comfort and answers.  The pain of losing a loved one will be present but we have the memories of their time on earth with us as well as the knowledge that we will one day meet again around the heavenly banquet table prepared for us. 

I leave you with a prayer written by William Penn that has given me great comfort:

“We give back to you, O God, those whom you gave to us. You did not lose them when you gave them to us, and we do not lose them by their return to you. Your dear son has taught us that life is eternal, and love cannot die. So death is only an horizon, and an horizon is only the limit of our sight. Open our eyes to see more clearly, and draw us closer to you that we may know that we are nearer to our loved ones, who are with you. You have told us that you are preparing a place for us; prepare us also for that place, that where you are we may also be always, O dear Lord of life and death.”

My first chanted Eucharist in class

This morning I was required to chant a Rite II eucharist for my Liturgical Leadership class.  I planned the service, picked the music, created the bulletin and then chanted the service.  In order to save time, we cut out major portions of the service and only sang 1 verse of each song but you can still get the idea.

For me, it was the first time that I donned a chasuble and it was awe inspiring when I saw myself in the mirror.  I was pretty scared putting it on, and it took a while to get used to wearing it.  I'm going to read the reviews from classmates later tonight, but I'm anxious to hear any comments that you might have.

A link to the video of the service is below.  Forgive the chanting, it was my first time and I need more work.

Link to Eucharist video

Christmas Eve

A few days ago, I wrote about Joe, a 28 yr old kid that is homeless and is a few classes short of receiving his college degree.  After I wrote, Joe left our campus and said he would be fine.  Both Twila and I have been looking around for him to ensure that he was okay.  Unfortunately, we were both unable to find him.  He has been in our prayers as well as our thoughts every day.

Today, I left campus around 4 o'clock in order to get to a family service at 5.  After the service, Twila and I had a Christmas eve dinner at a local japanese restaurant and then we parted ways.  I headed to Mill Valley for the midnight service and she headed back to her field ed parish for their midnight service.

At Mill Valley, the priest preached about silence, specifically how silence can be holy.  He was referring to the words of Silent Night, Holy Night.  He felt we need to learn to live in silence.  Silence can be scary and most people ail do anything they can to fill the void of silence.  Yet as Richard, the priest said, God is silent many times and that we need to be able to live in that silence.  As the words of the song say "Silent Night Holy Night, all is calm, all is bright."

As I reflect upon my discernment so far, I realize how important silence has been.  Some of the most profound times have been in silence.  Tonight was another one of those silent moments.  As I sat in church, the lights went out and the congregation began to sing Silent Night.  I stayed silent and listened.  As I listened, the awe and mystery of Christmas washed over me and I began to cry.  There I was in a church where I only knew 2 people and yet, I was among family, my Christian family.  All celebrating the birth of a baby who would come to save us from ourselves.

That baby brings me back to Joe.  I got home from church and found Joe.  He had returned to school, I presume looking for Twila and I.  Neither of us were there so he did the only thing he could do, he put out his sleeping bag and went to bed.  I didn't want to wake him, but left a note for him telling him I was here and that if he needed anything to call me or e-mail me.  But also I was reminded that as we all prepare to celebrate Christmas with our families, there are some people that will not have people to celebrate with.  For Joe, it doesn't matter that it is Christmas Day, it's just another day.  Well personally, I don't think anyone should have to be alone on Christmas and I am hoping that he will join me for breakfast.

In the meantime, Have a Merry Christmas everyone!

Christmas - Not always a time of joy for all

This afternoon I was having a discussion with a very close friend about life.  It seems that both of us had recently finished our semesters and were looking back on what made this semester so hard for us.  Each of us had our own reasons for why it was difficult but it seems that even with all our so called issues, we still have it relatively easy.

This friend began discussing a friend of theirs that asked if they could help locate a homeless man that had just moved to Berkeley.  The man, let's call him Joe, was close to graduating from community college back home when the school kicked him out.  Now Joe wasn't an angel, he said I had done some things in the past, but he was an A student and had a possibility of being the valedictorian of his class.  Pretty impressive huh?  Yet the school asked him to leave, and as a result lost all financial aid he had.  So Joe was now homeless.  For most people, being kicked out of school is bad but they have parents that might accept them and welcome them home.  Unfortunately for Joe, he has no parents.

Joe's parents had their parental rights terminated when he was 6.  He and his 4 siblings were split up and moved into foster care.  Joe got to stay with his younger sister, but they moved from foster home to foster home as a result of inappropriate activities by the foster parents.  (He describes having a knife held to his throat, being punched, etc)  Finally he and his sister tried to run away and move back in with their parents.  As you can imaging, Children and Family Services were quick to remove them once again.  This movement from family to family continued until Joe "aged out" of the system when he turned 18.  He had no where to go and nothing to do so he tried to survive with odd jobs, etc.  Finally he decided to apply to community college and survived for almost 3 semesters.

Well he has now been kicked out and decided to move to Berkeley, half the country away from where he was enrolled in school.  Now why Berkeley, one might ask?  That's a good question as Berkeley doesn't have homeless shelters or even very good services for the homeless but the climate is such that you won't freeze to death at night or get snowed on either.  So Joe is here in Berkeley, deciding what to do next.

He is a smart 28 year old kid that when confronted with an issue runs away, after all he has never been taught anything else.  He had no parents or role models to teach him coping mechanisms.  It seems that society has let Joe down.  He is a kid without opportunity.  My friend offered to help Joe but Joe quickly refused as one thing Joe still owns is his dignity.  That was a powerful reminder for me, while it  is nice to help, we also don't want to take away a person's sense of agency.  Joe doesn't want handouts, he wants freedom and respect.  

So why do I mention this now?  I guess, as I sit here in my warm room, I realize how lucky I am to have a family that loves me and cares about me, a son that is the best thing that has ever happened to me, and a group of incredible friends that when the going gets rough, will circle the wagons and ensure that I survive.  It is something that is easy to take for granted.  But it is something that NONE of us should ever take for granted.  We are all blessed to have family and friends that love and care about us. And while we are celebrating with them this year, let us not forget those that will be alone and on the streets this holiday season, not because of anything they did but rather because of a choice that was made for them many many years ago.

My First Sermon in the CDSP Chapel

One of the biggest challenges that seminarians face is preaching in front of our peers and professors in the seminary chapel.  A requirement of graduation is that we preach a senior sermon.  I didn't want my first experience preaching in the chapel to be my senior sermon so I volunteered to preach in the chapel today.  To say that I was nervous would be an understatement.  Finally the hour arrived and I got ready to preach.  I delivered the sermon and waited for the reaction.  I am glad to say that I got some constructive criticism as well as some people telling me that it was good.  I will let you decide what you think.  Below is the text from my sermon.

Sermon for Tuesday May 14th
CDSP Chapel
11:30 a.m. Eucharist

June 7 and October 7, 1998 may have seemed like normal days for most people, but both days were days that changed the course of American History.  For on June 7, 1998, a African American man named James Byrd was brutally murdered by three white supremacists in Jasper, TX.  James was tied up and dragged behind a pick-up truck until he died.  Later that year on October 7, a young man named Matthew Shepard was also brutally murdered by two men in Laramie, Wyoming for being homosexual.  Matthew was taken to a remote field, tied to a split rail fence and tortured after which he was left to die.  Both men died lonely painful deaths.  But more importantly, both these men were killed not because of something they had done but rather because they were different than others, James for being African American and Matthew for being homosexual. They were innocent victims who did nothing to provoke the violence done to them.  They were victims of hate and bigotry.

            Back in 1998 and, to an extent, still to this day, society is separated by political party, socio-economic status, beliefs on social issues, the list could go on and on.  It seems that as a part of society, we can fall into any number of different camps based upon how we think, feel or look.  We only have to look to the most recent presidential elections to see how divided the country can be over issues affecting us. We are a people of division.

            In today’s Gospel reading, Jesus is speaking not about division but unity.  Jesus looks toward heaven and begins to pray.  In his prayer he explains that his job on Earth is complete and that he has shown his followers that just as he is one with God so are they one with him.  Continuing he says that all that is His is God’s and all that is God’s is Jesus’.  His words show a unity unlike anything his disciples could understand.  But Jesus doesn’t stop there.  Jesus continues by saying protect them so that they may be one, as we are one.

            Really!  Isn’t that a really big order?  Jesus is asking God to allow humanity to be one.  I don’t know about you, but growing up with siblings, I know that is a pretty tall order.  We never got along.  We always fought and argued even if it was to argue over the argument.  Yet here Jesus is praying that we, his followers may all be one. 

            In Jesus’ prayer, we are called to be in Christ as Christ is in us.  We are called to live together in unity and harmony with each other.  We are called to set aside our differences and love one another, not to look at the differences we have but see the things we have in common.  If we continue to think this through, there is a bigger issue.  If we are all to live in unity, then there is no one on the outside.  We are ALL in.  We no longer get to choose who is in and who is out.  The decision has been made for us.  We are ALL in.  That is a pretty profound statement.  One consequence of living as Christians is that we must accept that decision and live our lives in that manner.

            As I looked at life here at CDSP and within the GTU, I think we are doing a pretty good job of living in unity.  After all, we live as one big community of travelers on this road, we call seminary.  As a community, we share our classroom, our learning, our professors, and sometimes even our meals.  We share war stories about our papers, exams and lectures.  Heck, we even share our worship experiences sometimes.  But yet, even with everything that unifies us, we can have our differences.  We have differing religious beliefs and different ways of being church, yet we share the same God.  Each time we worship, we pray to the same God.            Unity is not easy though.  Looking back on Christian History, we see many different separations, Paul and Barnabas in the Book of Acts, Martin Luther and the Rome, The East/West Schism, Church of England and Rome, just to name a few. Even now in the Episcopal Church we cannot keep our house in order.  In our own church there are discussions and divisions taking place as we speak over issues such as homosexuality, marriage equality, and Open Table, just to name a few.  We are divided over who is in and who is out.  Whether I am acceptable or not based upon who I love or don’t love.  Yet it seems to me that the answer to that question has been decided already.  We are called to love one another and live in unity.

            Just yesterday, Minnesota became the twelfth state in the United States to pass a law allowing for marriage equality.  The momentum has begun and it seems like more and more states are beginning to see that equality and unity are not a choice but a necessity.  Yet, I also know that it is difficult for some people to accept marriage equality.  Some states are moving farther and farther away from it.  In my home state of Pennsylvania a state representative recently introduced a bill saying marriage was between a man and a woman.  He felt that Pennsylvania needed to ensure that the idea of marriage didn’t change.  This representative has views that I don’t necessarily agree with yet I still must live in unity with him.  I still have to find a place for him at the table.  The message Jesus sends us in his prayer is to place relationship before rightness, mutuality above dismissal.  My feelings toward the representative from Pennsylvania shouldn’t be about who is right and wrong but rather about the relationship we have in order to talk about and through our differences

            For Matthew Shepard and James Byrd, there was no chance at mutuality and relationship, for them it was about rightness and dismissal.  Unfortunately, they died not because of what they stood for but because of who they were.  The people that killed them did not see the unifying piece that we are all God’s creation but rather the destructive piece of difference.  Whether we are African American, Asian, or European descent, whether we are LGBTQ or straight, we are all creations of God and we all fall under the prayer Jesus prayed in today’s gospel reading. We do not get to choose who God is in relationship with; and that means that if we want to be in relationship with God, we must also be in relationship with those who God has already chosen to be in relationship with – whether we like them or not; whether we agree with God’s choices or not.  So, how can we love persons whom God has chosen and that may be our enemies and possibly also our neighbors as Jesus loves me?